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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?